Hey, piano bar lady Won't you serenade me I've got nothing to do But to listen to you Sitting here at the bar Hey, piano bar lady Sing me something shady, lady And if you can play Night and Day I'll put a tip in your jar Bridge 1 I like your style And the way you smile Across the piano-lid As Time Goes By Almost made me cry Here's looking at you kid Hey, piano bar lady Was that a maybe, lady? Now here's a thought New York, New York I’ll put a tip in your jar Verse 2 Hey, piano bar lady Won't you serenade me I'm listening here Over my beer i've had three so far Hey piano bar lady Sing me something shady lady If you could you play for me Tenderly I'll put a tip in your jar You were on a roll with your Body and Soul You almost made the piano shake Your cheek-bones kinda get me I wonder if you'll let me Talk to you on your break Say piano bar lady Was that a maybe lady? Something everyone knows Like La Vie en Rose I’ll put a tip in your jar v3 Hey, piano bar lady Won't you serenade me I’m here all alone And though you may be unknown You are my favourite star Hey piano bar lady Sing me something shady lady And if you could do Cocktails for Two I'll put a tip in your jar Bridge 3 The numbers are declining But still your hair is shining Under the piano light I have to say that I think I'll stay With The Way You Look Tonight Hey, piano bar lady How bout One For My Baby maybe And if you could do Something blue And before you're through This Guy's in Love with You I'll put a tip in your jar Coda Hey piano bar lady Won't you serenade me Hey piano bar lady Sing me something shady Hey piano bar lady Was that a maybe?

In LONDON town the chips were down I had no place to stay i met up with an Aussie In the merry month of May He said 'No need to worry you can come back to our flat It's down in kangaroo valley and we'll fix you up like that!" The flat was full of Kiwis and we sat around the fire We drank a lot of Fosters and got ready to retire The Aussie said "My bed is large and it can stretch to two And we can share it friendly-like I'll never bother you" I said "I may sound like a grouch But I think I'll take the couch! ” CHORUS: 'Cause I'm an international sofa lady I've slept around from Istanbul to Haiti So please don't offer me your bed 'cause though I'd like to be your friend I don't want to get too matey I ended up in PARIS where I didn't know a soul I walked up to Montmartre where I thought I'd take a stroll I met a charming artist who said "You 'ave got a cute face I'll sketch you in my studio and we can take your suit-case” His rooms were nicely furnished in a fin-de-siècle style With velvet draperies everywhere that seemed to stretch for miles The sketching took till midnight then he said "it's primitif But I only have one bed to share. Of course I'll let you sleep" I said "Of course, I may be quite wrong But I think it may be safer to take the chaise-longue!” I went on down to SICILY to have a bit of fun I spied a lovely villa that was shining in the sun The owner then walked out of it and introduced himself He said "You're looking travel-worn, why not stay here for your health? Now I am an aristocrat, I lead a life of leisure I have a lot of servants and indulge in every pleasure" As night came on we drank our wine and ate the fruits in season He said "Pick one of the servants and we'll make a cosy threesome" I said……mmm……I rather like the chauffeur But I think i'll take the sofa!" Optional Extra Verses I visited my good friend Lars in charming COPENHAGEN We went on down to Christianshaven to see the fair and bargain He said that Fritz could put me up in his abode nearby A 16thcentury dwelling that was picturesque besides The apartment had no heating it was never modernized We downed a lot of schnaps so we could warm up our insides And Fritz said “We should sleep up close to get the heat we lack My bed is rather hard but it’ll straighten up your back”’ I said “Well I prefer to slouch So I think I’ll take the couch!” While trudging through Tribeca in the NEW YORK transit strike A fellow ran right into me a-dreaming on his bike There seemed to be no damage done I only suffered shock He said “ You’re looking shaken why not come up to my loft?” Now he was a musician and he had a lot of space He played me lots of records and I really liked his taste. I said “I should go home but with the strike it’s such a drag” He said “why don’t you stay the night and share my sleeping bag?” I said “ I think you’re a gorgeous man But … haven’t you got a divan?!”

SoHoites are so few they see the same familiar faces everyday And trucks are always rumbling through or loading up and getting in our way So Sunday is a special day ‘Cause suddenly there’s people everywhere The streets are void of trucks and vans And even though the garbage is still there You just don’t care SoHo on a Sunday afternoon (Taking a tea break see where my feet take me) On a sunny Sunday afternoon (Letting my mind flow see where the wind blows my fancy) Hey nonny no no Sunday in SoHo Hey nonny no no Sunday in SoHo But it seems a little strange to me when people from uptown Come down to SoHo The people visit galleries Or try to understand a holograph And when the tourists stare at you You feel that you should give your autograph The Upper East Side comes to brunch The reisdents can hardly get a seat The kids are playing basketball and trying not to suffer in the heat You just cant beat SoHo on a Sunday afternoon (Taking a tea break see where my feet take me) On a sunny Sunday afternoon (Letting my mind flow see where the wind blows my fancy) Hey nonny no no Sunday in SoHo Hey nonny no no Sunday in SoHo But it seems a little strange to me when people from uptown Come down to SoHo And when the sun is going down The building-tops are cast into relief Such pillars scrolls and balustrades A pity that their beauty is so brief The people from New Jersey Get into their cars and quickly drive away When Monday’s here tomorrow it’ll be another dirty SoHo day But that’s okay SoHo on a Sunday afternoon (Taking a tea break see where my feet take me) On a sunny Sunday afternoon (Letting my mind flow see where the wind blows my fancy) Hey nonny no no Sunday in SoHo Hey nonny no no Sunday in SoHo But it seems a little strange to me when people from uptown Come down to SoHo

Hey, piano bar lady Won't you serenade me I've got nothing to do But to listen to you Sitting here at the bar Hey, piano bar lady Sing me something shady, lady And if you can play Night and Day I'll put a tip in your jar Bridge 1 I like your style And the way you smile Across the piano-lid As Time Goes By Almost made me cry Here's looking at you kid Hey, piano bar lady Was that a maybe, lady? Now here's a thought New York, New York I’ll put a tip in your jar Verse 2 Hey, piano bar lady Won't you serenade me I'm listening here Over my beer i've had three so far Hey piano bar lady Sing me something shady lady If you could you play for me Tenderly I'll put a tip in your jar You were on a roll with your Body and Soul You almost made the piano shake Your cheek-bones kinda get me I wonder if you'll let me Talk to you on your break Say piano bar lady Was that a maybe lady? Something everyone knows Like La Vie en Rose I’ll put a tip in your jar v3 Hey, piano bar lady Won't you serenade me I’m here all alone And though you may be unknown You are my favourite star Hey piano bar lady Sing me something shady lady And if you could do Cocktails for Two I'll put a tip in your jar Bridge 3 The numbers are declining But still your hair is shining Under the piano light I have to say that I think I'll stay With The Way You Look Tonight Hey, piano bar lady How bout One For My Baby maybe And if you could do Something blue And before you're through This Guy's in Love with You I'll put a tip in your jar Coda Hey piano bar lady Won't you serenade me Hey piano bar lady Sing me something shady Hey piano bar lady Was that a maybe?

v.1 I didn't go home for Xmas instead I bought a coat To get me through a New York winter A bright sea-green down coat A hand-dyed affair With lots of flair It reached up to here and down there And everywhere I went that winter They'd walk up to me and say CHORUS Is that a down coat? No it's an up-coat I wish I had one the same is that a down coat? No it's an up coat I guess it really keeps you warm How much did it cost? was it expensive? Where did you get that coat? What was that you said, Broome and West Broadway? What was the name of the shop? Excuse me this is where I get off it's a great down coat" v.2 Round midnight traveling on the subway A scary thing to do I found myself alone in the the subway car When a feller got on too Equivocal appearance, unkempt hair Was that a kindly glance, was that a leer? I flinched as he walked up to me But this is what he said BRIDGE: I was walking past Bloomingdales in the snow And a lady in a fur coat wanted to know Is that a down coat? And on St. Paddy's day in the parade A guy who was marching with the Fire Brigade Is that a down coat? And at the top of the Empire State When I went to look the guard said "Wait! Say lady…is that a down coat?” v.3. And if I wore it in New Zealand Would it be a Down Under coat? I could always use it as a sleeping-bag Or sail it like a boat But I know if I wear it down in Dunedin Or anywhere else that's really freezin' They'll overcome their kiwi shyness And this is what they'll say

v.1 I'm a mole and I live in a hole Where do I live? New York I'm a mole and I live in a hole Where do I live? New York, New York It's a helluva town Oh the Bronx is up But my battery's down Running down Bridge 1. I lift up my window The air's kinda stuffy And all I can see Are the buildings nearby My eyes have grown dim And my skin's kinda puffy My duct's are so dirty I can't even cry v.2 And I'm a mole and I live in a hole Where do I live? New York I'm a mole and success is my goal Got plenty of street to walk New York It's a helluva town  Oh the Bronx is up But my battery's down Running down Bridge 2.And I was brought up in a place in the country Where butterflies flutter and bumblebees sway The grass was so green and so golden with buttercups But here in Manhattan It's concrete and grey v.3 And I'm a city mole and I live in a hole Where do I live? New York I'm a mole, I'm a civilized soul I eat with a knife and fork New York It's a hell-of-a-town Oh the Bronx is up  But my battery's down Running down Running down Running down Running down

At the beach, at the beach etc And Auntie Birdie Uncle Bob and Valerie and Tony Heather too And Auntie Dorrie Uncle Ken and Pamela Bay and Claire were there At the beach And naturally there was Mum and Dad and Bruce and me and Beverley At the beach by the sea In our tents en famille With a stretcher for you and a lilo for me And a primus to cook with and fresh fish for tea Oo-oo-ooh what a lovely time we had Oh the sparkling of the water And the burning of the sand And the glistening of the seashells As I held them in my hand And the tall pohutukawas Were full of crimson flowers And happiness was easy to reach With the family at the beach ( Spoken: “Now what did we use to do there?_… I remember”) Now Uncle Stan would often go out fishing Sometimes one or two of us went with him At the beach On rainy days we played a game of cards Or played the ukelele Or some of us would go exploring Clambering and climbing round the rocks To the next beach Examining the little pools for sea anemones And other tiny sea life At the beach on the sand Arm in arm hand in hand And the redheads got burnt and the others got tanned And the pleasure was endless and nothing was planned Oo-oo-ooh what a lovely time we had Oh the sparkling of the water And the burning of the sand And the glistening of the seashells As I held them in my hand And the tall pohutukawas Were full of crimson flowers And happiness was easy to reach With the family at the beach (Spoken : “And one particular Xmas holiday we went camping on the East Coast at a place called Te Kaha”) And no-one else at all was camping there that year And so we had it to ourselves Just like a private beach Though sometimes Maori locals came a galloping their horses down the beach And stopped to say hello And once a week we went to see a movie at the local hall which had an old projector At the beach And laughed because the sound was so distorted But it didn’t really seem to matter And my sister and me Sang in close harmony And were judged second best At the local talent quest And we all had a ball In the Te Kaha hall Oo-oo-ooh what a lovely time we had Oh the sparkling of the water And the burning of the sand And the glistening of the seashells As I held them in my hand And the tall pohutukawas Were full of crimson flowers And happiness was easy to reach With the family at the beach (Coda,Spoken: “There was Uncle Stan and Auntie Betty, Colin, Barry, Auntie May and Uncle Roy and Auntie Birdie Uncle Bob and Valerie and Tony Heather too and Auntie Dorrie Uncle Ken and Pamela Bay and Claire were there and naturally there was Mum and Dad and Bruce and me and Beverley…”)

I got my green card today! Well it isn't exactly green More like a whitish cream And covered with some cherry-coloured squiggles Seismographic squiggles Rosy little wiggles I'm glad I got it Ok Well, I wasn't exactly blue More like a bit subdued With lots of other things to make me happy Yes, you made me happy Now my step is snappier Because the postman brought my green card today Which means that I get to stay With you in America And do with you the green card cha cha cha I got my green card today! The letterings blue and black With touches of red in back And coded numbers adding to the mystery Bureaucratic mystery Maybe it's my history they've got my finger-print framed And the photograph isn't great I need to put on some weight But I guess I'll only show it to officials Smiling at officials Hey I got a wish fulfilled Because the postman brought my green card today Which means that I get to stay With you in America And do with you the green card cha cha cha I got my green card today! I'm a "resident alien" So glad they could take me in It sounds as though I'm from another planet From a distant planet My spaceship has just landed i'll cook some greens up today A broccoli - spinach pie With a glass of green ginger wine In celebration of my non-deporting A toast to non-deporting Now I have a sporting chance Because the postman brought my green card today Which means that I get to stay With you in America And do with you the green card cha cha cha With you in America And do with you the green card cha cha cha ( simile) With you in America And do with you the green card cha cha cha I got my green card today Cha cha cha

A quiet little table in the corner I share the piano-chair with Gloria Smoking lots of cigarettes Double brandies at her side And no regrets They called me one day and said “Hey honey Do the late shift and make some extra money Gloria can’t sing a note ‘Cause the cancer’s got her by the throat” And Christine the waitress wants to marry An upper-class Englishman called Harry Took her on a Concorde flight But turned out to be a phony fly-by-night And we sympathise in the ladies’ room And she dries her eyes And I play her tune The customers who seldom press their buzzers Are doing things they wouldn’t tell their mothers When the cleaners do their task What do they find on the floor Just don’t ask The grand-piano I play is an illusion Just a spinet with a kidney-shaped protrusion So enjoy your secret tryst But send a drink up for the pianist And Al is the owner with a double life Has a mistress in the country and a city wife He can never lift the lid His old lady is a helpless invalid And it’s no-one’s fault He entertains his friends And drinks his single malt And I play to the end I play to the end CODA A quiet little table in the corner I share the piano-chair with Gloria ….

Gliding through the light and shadow Love makes mischief as it flies You won't spot that bow and arrow Love's a master of disguise Love slipped in What a surprise i saw that look in your eyes Love came sliding into the room Without so much as a sha-boom sha-boom Unannounced then it was there Running round everywhere And right out of the blue I knew I loved you Oh what a surprise Love slipped in up the back stairs And we were caught unawares Love came riding into the fray We didn't hear even a hip-hooray Unforeseen then it was there Jumping on every chair And right out of the blue I knew I loved you Oh what a surprise Love slipped in we were amazed We'd been so cool and unphased Love came oozing under the door Whispering "what are you waiting for?" We locked it out and then it was there Doing high kicks in the air And right out of the blue I knew I loved you What a conundrum what a to-do Where did it come from haven't a clue Oh what a surprise

A brownstone on a tree-lined street Can make a city life seem sweet And I the wandering troubadour Was tenant of the parlour floor For five good years and more And the carved wooden stairs Had seen ninety years The kitchen was so very thin That only one could cook therein The bathroom was fantastic black With antique tub and tile intact Wish I could have it back I could have it back And I loved my apartment That's where my heart went (Chorus) And the cold cold landlord Took it away And I'm sad sad sad So sad every day The living-room was Wedgwood blue And jungle green the house-plants grew With wooden shutters for the night And lofty ceiling painted white An Upper West Side height And that old New York marvel A fire-place with marble And at the piano I would croon The rubber tree enjoyed a tune And now and then I held a salon Punch concocted by the gallon For the talented All the talented And I loved my apartment That's where my heart went (chorus) And Mike had brushed the bedroom pink But not the pink that you would think And in my boudoir terra-cotta I could lie in bed and potter Think a lotta things And on a quilt of white satin Lovers were Latin And sunlight shafted through the leaves Of old and tough Manhattan trees And squirrels raced the window-sill And in the morning birds would trill Wish I could hear them still I could hear them still And I loved my apartment That's where my heart went