Before I knew the world, before the world knew me I used to climb up high upon my daddy’s knee We’d play the game again and I’d laugh with glee Before I knew the world The nurse who came from Plunket weighed us carefully There was red rhubarb and junket as dessert for tea I thought it would continue for eternity Before I knew the world, Before the world knew me (The grass that brushed my shoulder was a shining sea There were fluffy yellow pompoms on each wattle tree I thought it would continue for eternity Before I knew the world Before the world knew me) And the bright sun lit me up Just like a giant buttercup ( last time): wake me up And now I know the world, now the world knows me I’ve sung a lot of songs, written more than three And when nobody listens then I sing for me Before I knew the world Before the world knew me

Off and running wild and free Naked as a kid can be Down the paddock up the hill Cars might see us, what a thrill CHORUS You kids look guilty What have you been up to? Nothing mum Nothing much We’ve just been helping Dad milk the cows Hiding in the pampas grass Sunburnt bodies bare of ass Playing doctors curiously Why aren’t you the same as me? Gone our olden childhood days Separately we go our ways Make mistakes that leave us numb Come back home and visit Mum

At the beach, at the beach etc And Auntie Birdie Uncle Bob and Valerie and Tony Heather too And Auntie Dorrie Uncle Ken and Pamela Bay and Claire were there At the beach And naturally there was Mum and Dad and Bruce and me and Beverley At the beach by the sea In our tents en famille With a stretcher for you and a lilo for me And a primus to cook with and fresh fish for tea Oo-oo-ooh what a lovely time we had Oh the sparkling of the water And the burning of the sand And the glistening of the seashells As I held them in my hand And the tall pohutukawas Were full of crimson flowers And happiness was easy to reach With the family at the beach ( Spoken: “Now what did we use to do there?_… I remember”) Now Uncle Stan would often go out fishing Sometimes one or two of us went with him At the beach On rainy days we played a game of cards Or played the ukelele Or some of us would go exploring Clambering and climbing round the rocks To the next beach Examining the little pools for sea anemones And other tiny sea life At the beach on the sand Arm in arm hand in hand And the redheads got burnt and the others got tanned And the pleasure was endless and nothing was planned Oo-oo-ooh what a lovely time we had Oh the sparkling of the water And the burning of the sand And the glistening of the seashells As I held them in my hand And the tall pohutukawas Were full of crimson flowers And happiness was easy to reach With the family at the beach (Spoken : “And one particular Xmas holiday we went camping on the East Coast at a place called Te Kaha”) And no-one else at all was camping there that year And so we had it to ourselves Just like a private beach Though sometimes Maori locals came a galloping their horses down the beach And stopped to say hello And once a week we went to see a movie at the local hall which had an old projector At the beach And laughed because the sound was so distorted But it didn’t really seem to matter And my sister and me Sang in close harmony And were judged second best At the local talent quest And we all had a ball In the Te Kaha hall Oo-oo-ooh what a lovely time we had Oh the sparkling of the water And the burning of the sand And the glistening of the seashells As I held them in my hand And the tall pohutukawas Were full of crimson flowers And happiness was easy to reach With the family at the beach (Coda,Spoken: “There was Uncle Stan and Auntie Betty, Colin, Barry, Auntie May and Uncle Roy and Auntie Birdie Uncle Bob and Valerie and Tony Heather too and Auntie Dorrie Uncle Ken and Pamela Bay and Claire were there and naturally there was Mum and Dad and Bruce and me and Beverley…”)

Now I am just a country lass And all I ever played in was grass That’s why I’m going crazy in this great big town I’m from Under Down I answered the performing call By playing in the local church hall That’s why I’m going crazy getting more renown I’m from Under Down CH. Pick me up, put me down Turn me round Is this Paris or old London Town? (2. Is this Amsterdam of Kobenhauen?) And I have no boundaries So shock and astound me please I’m a rover up over Sniffing up over clover I’m from Under Down Under I’m from Under Down My mother always made my clothes Though sewing was a thing that she loathed That’s why I’m going crazy in my store-bought gown I’m from Under Down Our neighbour always cut my hair I never had it longer than “there” That’s why I’m going crazy in my salon crown I’m from Under Down

The Beatles have a new album out today Have you heard it? Have you seen it? I’m rushing out the door to buy it right away Gonna buy it, wanna try it And I’ll lie on the floor And let the notes soar I’ll play it right through Then I’ll play it some more It’s a red letter day It’s my first ever play Of the new album by the Beatles Oh, the Beatles’ new album it’s a feeling that’s seldom felt these days We are jaded, hopes are faded What a pity, what a shame I think it’s even better than the one before Who’d have thought it could be better? I like the second side Especially number four It’s a honey, cute and funny And I really must say It gets better each play And the cover is great In an unusual way It’s a bit of a hit Everyone’s having fun With the new album by the Beatles Oh, the Beatles’ new album it’s a feeling that’s seldom felt these days We are jaded, hopes are faded What a pity, what a shame I’m taking up the hem of my new party dress It’s a purple mini kaftan It isn’t very long But I want it less Make it micro, let my legs show And I’ll wear it just right To a party tonight We’ll find a good party Without an invite Meet a bloke laugh and joke Let’s romance have a dance To the new album by the Beatles Oh, the Beatles’ new album it’s a feeling that’s seldom felt these days We are jaded, hopes are faded What a pity, what a shame I think I’ll plan my next holiday today (Go to Europe on a new trip) I think we’ll go to Greece hitching all the way (Or we could go to Morocco) And we’ll get there and back With just a rucksack We’ll meet lots of strangers Off life’s beaten track On a beach out of reach See the stars play guitar Sing the new album by the Beatles Oh, the Beatles’ new album it’s a feeling that’s seldom felt these days We are jaded, hopes are faded What a pity, what a shame

Here we are in Villa Poggi Where the food is rather stodgy The future’s looking very dodgy And time is like a snail Sitting round in Naples Jail… Teresa’s very motherly and serving fourteen years ‘Cause she shot her husband’s sister dead Who kept on coming round to taunt her ‘bout her wedding night “We know you weren’t a virgin and I want to see the bloody sheets” She took her husband’s shot-gun and said “I can show you blood-stains if you like!” Here we are in Villa Poggi The nuns that supervise us tend to have an attitude Superior to the sinners in their midst And Padre Gabriele has the reddest cheeks I’ve seen Perhaps he’s just embarrassed to be preaching to this crazy lot Of contrabandist,s brothel-keepers, whores and thieves and murderesses too Here we are in Villa Poggi .. Our section gets together on a Sunday afternoon We dance the tango all around the room We play the scratchy records on a tiny gramophone And the Rosa’s the ring-leader of a group undoing buttons Who are flashing titties naughtily at fellers who are working in the yard Here we are in Villa Poggi … Teresa’s very good at imitating Sister D While Wanda’s Mother Superior hits the marks I drape myself in table-cloths and do a Padre G With wine and mozzarella we can have a lot of fun Pretending we are on the outside but they still come round at night and lock us in Here we are in Villa Poggi Where the food is rather stodgy The future’s looking very dodgy And time is like a snail Sitting round in Naples Jail

In LONDON town the chips were down I had no place to stay i met up with an Aussie In the merry month of May He said 'No need to worry you can come back to our flat It's down in kangaroo valley and we'll fix you up like that!" The flat was full of Kiwis and we sat around the fire We drank a lot of Fosters and got ready to retire The Aussie said "My bed is large and it can stretch to two And we can share it friendly-like I'll never bother you" I said "I may sound like a grouch But I think I'll take the couch! ” CHORUS: 'Cause I'm an international sofa lady I've slept around from Istanbul to Haiti So please don't offer me your bed 'cause though I'd like to be your friend I don't want to get too matey I ended up in PARIS where I didn't know a soul I walked up to Montmartre where I thought I'd take a stroll I met a charming artist who said "You 'ave got a cute face I'll sketch you in my studio and we can take your suit-case” His rooms were nicely furnished in a fin-de-siècle style With velvet draperies everywhere that seemed to stretch for miles The sketching took till midnight then he said "it's primitif But I only have one bed to share. Of course I'll let you sleep" I said "Of course, I may be quite wrong But I think it may be safer to take the chaise-longue!” I went on down to SICILY to have a bit of fun I spied a lovely villa that was shining in the sun The owner then walked out of it and introduced himself He said "You're looking travel-worn, why not stay here for your health? Now I am an aristocrat, I lead a life of leisure I have a lot of servants and indulge in every pleasure" As night came on we drank our wine and ate the fruits in season He said "Pick one of the servants and we'll make a cosy threesome" I said……mmm……I rather like the chauffeur But I think i'll take the sofa!" Optional Extra Verses I visited my good friend Lars in charming COPENHAGEN We went on down to Christianshaven to see the fair and bargain He said that Fritz could put me up in his abode nearby A 16thcentury dwelling that was picturesque besides The apartment had no heating it was never modernized We downed a lot of schnaps so we could warm up our insides And Fritz said “We should sleep up close to get the heat we lack My bed is rather hard but it’ll straighten up your back”’ I said “Well I prefer to slouch So I think I’ll take the couch!” While trudging through Tribeca in the NEW YORK transit strike A fellow ran right into me a-dreaming on his bike There seemed to be no damage done I only suffered shock He said “ You’re looking shaken why not come up to my loft?” Now he was a musician and he had a lot of space He played me lots of records and I really liked his taste. I said “I should go home but with the strike it’s such a drag” He said “why don’t you stay the night and share my sleeping bag?” I said “ I think you’re a gorgeous man But … haven’t you got a divan?!”

Ancient pipes are callin' me To a place I long to be Ancient pipes are callin' me And I must follow after I saw the piper on the hill And all around the air was still My heart was dancin' with the lilt How could I ignore him? And first he played a merry fling It made me want to laugh and sing And then he played the saddest thing That set my heart to weepin' Chorus: Ancient pipes Sorrowin' and laughin' Ancient pipes are callin' me And I must follow after I saw the ghosts of clansmen bold In plaid of red and green and gold And braw the sight was to behold  Their colours and their bearin' And through the glen the phantoms passed The piper called them to the last And they were gone to battle's blast And some for not returnin' And when the mist had closed around The mountains wore a silver shroud But still I heard his bonny sound A-pullin' me to follow The spell was laid upon me then To follow over hill and glen And though he ne'er come back again My heart still hears the piper Ancient pipes are callin' me To a place I long to be Ancient pipes are callin' me And I must follow after (Note: last two lines can become a round)

I'm a mole and I live in a hole Where do I live? New York I'm a mole and I live in a hole Where do I live? New York, New York It's a helluva town Oh the Bronx is up But my battery's down Running down I lift up my window The air's kinda stuffy And all I can see Are the buildings nearby My eyes have grown dim And my skin's kinda puffy My duct's are so dirty I can't even cry And I'm a mole and I live in a hole Where do I live? New York I'm a mole and success is my goal Got plenty of street to walk New York It's a helluva town  Oh the Bronx is up But my battery's down Running down And I was brought up in a place in the country Where butterflies flutter and bumblebees sway The grass was so green and so golden with buttercups But here in Manhattan It's concrete and grey And I'm a city mole and I live in a hole Where do I live? New York I'm a mole, I'm a civilized soul I eat with a knife and fork New York It's a hell-of-a-town Oh the Bronx is up  But my battery's down Running down Running down Running down Running down

I didn't go home for Xmas instead I bought a coat To get me through a New York winter A bright sea-green down coat A hand-dyed affair With lots of flair It reached up to here and down there And everywhere I went that winter They'd walk up to me and say CHORUS Is that a down coat? No it's an up-coat I wish I had one the same is that a down coat? No it's an up coat I guess it really keeps you warm How much did it cost? was it expensive? Where did you get that coat? What was that you said, Broome and West Broadway? What was the name of the shop? Excuse me this is where I get off it's a great down coat" Round midnight traveling on the subway A scary thing to do I found myself alone in the the subway car When a feller got on too Equivocal appearance, unkempt hair Was that a kindly glance, was that a leer? I flinched as he walked up to me But this is what he said I was walking past Bloomingdales in the snow And a lady in a fur coat wanted to know Is that a down coat? And on St. Paddy's day in the parade A guy who was marching with the Fire Brigade Is that a down coat? And at the top of the Empire State When I went to look the guard said "Wait! Say lady…is that a down coat?” And if I wore it in New Zealand Would it be a Down Under coat? I could always use it as a sleeping-bag Or sail it like a boat But I know if I wear it down in Dunedin Or anywhere else that's really freezin' They'll overcome their kiwi shyness And this is what they'll say

Me and the magician Look at me walking along behind him Wonder if he noticed Me and the magician Silvery silhouettes well defined We’re well defined And up above the skyline Stars are lighting up a high-sign Cos me and the magician are two of a kind Me and the magician All of the rest of the town’s deserted No-one in New York but Me and the magician Strictly a stratagem we’ve refined We’ve both refined And I may look a bimbo But I’m laughing in our limbo Cos me and the magician Are two of a kind He’s dressed in black And he’s weaving a spell with long white fingers Weaving a special spell that lingers After we’ve passed along And on our street There’s trumpets and treetops all a-twirling And roses and raindrops gently swirling And wonderment whirlin’ round my Merlin As I follow on behind Me and the magician Suddenly smelling the scent of orange-blossoms On the trees for Me and magician He has such lovely legerdemain Legerdemain And I’d give a lot of money To be this magician’s bunny Cos me and the magician Are two of a kind And I’d give a lot of money to be this magician’s bunny Cos me and magician Are two of a kind

Underneath the rubber tree In the land of music voyage we In the land of music Magic land of music Voyage we I will look upon your eyes Elenor will cook and harmonise In the land of music Three good chums With a towel around your bum Underneath the listening rubber tree Streets my sizzle Pipes may freeze In the land of music We’re at ease In the land of music Magic land of music We’re at ease You will play and I will sing Elenor will do most anything In the land of music Three can tour And Jiwi’s coming that makes four Underneath the listening rubber tree I’ll love you and you’ll love me In the land of music we’ll be free In the land of music Magic land of music We’ll be free Puns and witticisms flow But Elenora’s jokes will have to go In the land of music Three is heav’n And Jiwi’s four The cat’s make seven Underneath the listening rubber tree Coda: In the land of music Magic land of music Underneath the listening Glistening Christening Rubber tree